We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

A warning sign posted in a bathroom in Orem, Utah.

From the contributor: “If all we can flush is the paper, things could get ugly.”

Sign spotted in the Beijing Airport in August 2005:

The following is a collection of tidbits from emails sent to the contributor as part of a dispute over a laptop sold on eBay:

I will let you suspend with your credit. Because you sell the bad laptop to us. If no response in 3 days, I will let my uncle to help me to solve the problem. I tall you , I don’t care about how much money you ship it out. And at that time, I don’t think I will only got $120 refund for the adapter. I really don’t want to see you, as you know that I am a chinese, that I know lots way to protect myself.

Just ship it asap as my previous mail. Or you will know what will happened.

hope you remove the negative feedback for your and mine. And end until here, if you still want to play with me, I am glad to do that.

A sign spotted on Beto’s Mexican restaurant in Provo, Utah.

This was a comment posted here on this site in response to this post. It was too precious for me to just let it sit unnoticed in the comments. Note that the author, someone named Britt, uses 246 words (actually 250, but four of them should have only been one word) and misspells 34 of them, by my count. That’s a 13.8% failure rate! Enjoy:

Listen Loser You dont know any thing about Cows if you think there nothing but cute and gentle. People like you should be shot Ive raised cows all my life and they are far from gentle so why dont you educate your self befor you speek cows are wild animals that will ram you in a heart beat if they dont like you. Saying killing cows is wrong because there cute and they wouldnt hurt you is like saying people dont hurt other people cuz thell go to hell. Its just not true! And I was just wondering if you drove a cor or rode a bike or mabe even took a bath Because were do you think soap and pavemet and that rubber in your tires come from YES do the research we sneak a lot of weard stuff in there. I hate vegans and vegitarians and all that stuff they think were wrong for eating meat when yall should be consentrating on the developers who are taking away all of the natural resourses animals need to survive and dont think if you just eat vegitation and stuff uour not still hurting them By doing that your still eating what the need to survive so and guess who shits on your vegies so you can eat it with out the use of animals you would be NACKED AND HUNGRY and dont hate on those who eat meat cuz your killing them too just slower and that makes you in-humane

When the contributor was student teaching, she ended up having lunch with a first-grader who was kept in the classroom during lunch for disciplinary reasons. The two had the following conversation:

Student: Did you make your own lunch?

Teacher: Yes.

Student: Is your mommy dead?

World Wrestling Entertainment has a poll on its website allowing the fans to choose from four new t-shirt designs for wrestler Randy Orton. Check out the design on the bottom right (click the thumbnails to see the full versions; the first image is a screenshot of the four designs, and the second is a close-up of the offending shirt):

The contributor has an ad on several websites, looking for a roommate to move in when her current roommate moves out soon. She received the following email from someone who probably won’t get the spot:

From: XXXXXXXXXXX
Date: Jul 28, 2006 8:16 AM
Subject: The report mail it sends from the www.share-accommodation.net .
To: xxxxxx@gmail.com

How are you. I am 26 murderous intent males who live in Korea. It is a plan which will enter into the household head at September 5th. It searches the place where it will stay. Moving in wants knowing the possible cold region in September. I visit initially in the household head. English it cannot do well, but a lot, it appears not to becoming the problem. If possibility be and give the liaison with the mail. Korea hands down elegy today. Is the piece weather how? Good one day~

From an article about termites:

Meanwhile, several signs to alert you to a subterranean termite infestation include:
-Mud tubes.
-Damaged or “hollow” sounding wood.
-Dead termites or wings.
-Live termites.
-Swarming termites.